Yoga and Body Image

I started a new group today at the Emily Program called Yoga and Body Image. I love it.

First, a word about the Emily Program and how fantastic it is: I started at the Emily program in May and from the first moment I stepped foot in the St. Paul office I felt taken care of, and cared about. It was the first time I had ever felt like that in a health care facility. For the first time I felt like I wasn't just somebodies job. I felt like they really wanted me to get better.

One of the many many things I love about the Emily program is that they offer 'traditional' as well as 'non-traditional' treatment. This yoga class is a prime example of that. It is such a gentle way to get people with Eating Disorders to get a little more comfortable in our bodies. It offers a safe place to move and start to rebuild the connection between body and mind that so many of us have worked so hard, and so destructively to sever. It gives us a safe place to really feel all the feelings that come up during yoga, which is one of the reasons I stopped going to yoga years ago, I would want to cry in the middle of class and I was so embarrassed. But here, we can cry, or not, and after wards we all check in about what came up during our practice. It was so comforting to hear that I am not the only one who is so confused and conflicted about what my body can do and what it looks like and what it all feels like.

When I signed up for the group I wondered how useful it would really be for me right now as my body image issues are not high on my list of ED (Eating Disorder) issues right now. What I struggle with now has less to do with image and more to do with function. I don't generally mind the way my ass looks, but I do hate the fact that I cannot go hiking anymore because I don't have the strength. I'm not overly concerned with the way my tits have shrunk (its annoying, but what can I really do about it right now?) but I do rue the fact that I cannot dance anymore. The way my hipbones come in and out of prominence is merely interesting to me, for the most part, but not being able to drive because my legs get too weak is a problem I would like to take care of.

So when I heard this same sort of attitude reflected back from my group mates it was a relief. To know that many of us are frustrated and annoyed that our bodies wont do what they used to, whether that is because of getting older, or because we have gained too much weight, or because we are malnourished and starving; that is why we are here. We are all here because we are not happy with our bodies in one way or another, not only what we see in the mirror.