Through is the Best Part

When I decided to blog about my experience in recovery from my eating disorder I immediately had very little to say. It was as though I thought I had to start with a bang, some kind of big breakthrough, and in the last week I've had none.

Then it hit me: recovery isn't always, or even usually, made up of the big breakthroughs, it is mostly made up of these kinds of days, where there is no big breakthrough, there is no sizable steps forward, just this slow plodding. These days there is still forward movement, which is what counts. These are what I call the musical montage days, the days that, in a movie, get covered in the musical montage that show 'time passed' and then you end up at the next breakthrough moment, or next stage of the characters lives. But these are the important days, these are the days that really count. They are sort of like the pennies in your change jar that eventually add up to the two hundred dollars you needed to buy that sweaters worth of cashmere.

It reminds me a bit about a quote from an Alix Olsen poem she says: "all these girls, struggling to get through, don't you know through, its the best part". Its the difference between stopping and stopped. Someday I will be fully recovered, but that is not what this blog is about, its about recovering. And today is just as much a day of recovery as any big breakthrough day.