New Years Resolution(s)

One of the nice things about having a birthday a few months before new year is that you can get a running start on some of these resolutions. In the past I have made resolutions on my birthday, not new years. When I was 18 I resolved to stop misusing razor blades, and I have stuck to it. Last year I learned to take care of plants, and I took a photo of myself every day (just to see if I could) and I resolved to be done with my mother, and I have stuck to all of those (interesting how resolving to be done with my mother allowed me to be more like her, the parts I liked about her anyway). This year I started flossing daily. I know that sounds dumb, and its something I should have been doing forever, but I didn't, and now I do.

I don't tend to make new years resolutions. I make casual resolutions throughout the year, and I stick to them while they serve me, but for some reason this year I want to make a new years resolution, maybe because my birthday resolution this year was so simple, I don't know.

I am wary because this year promises to have a lot going on already. I am graduating (Gods willing) and when school ends I will start working (again, Gods willing) and I will move out of my parents house, I will start living a life which looks a little more like a life, and less like a layover. And the same way my birthday resolutions help me ramp up to new years resolutions, I guess I'm hoping a new years resolution can help me ramp up to those other big changes which are on the horizon.

So here they are:
Be brave.
Take care of myself.
Have some fun.

The first might entail going out on at least one date this year, but I don't want to make that a resolution, because if there is no one to go on a date with I don't want to do it just because I said I would (theres nothing like mandatory fun to take the joy out of a situation). It might entail taking an internship somewhere out of state and far from my support network. It might entail applying for a job I don't think I have any chance at getting. It might entail telling my professor (after I'm out of his class of course) that I have had a sort-of-crush on him for a long time. It might entail making a new friend. It might entail applying to grad school. I don't know, which is why I want to leave it as general as possible. Be brave little one. Remember that everyone was frightened and everyone was brave, and you can be too.

I have some more specific ideas about how to go about living up to my second resolution. It involves getting my body moving again. I have been yoga-less for a year now. My wrist is still pretty fucked, and it won't be not-fucked for the foreseeable future, time to find something else to fill that niche. Swimming maybe (although I doubt it. Honestly, its just too much of a hassle to get myself to the pool), maybe just some modified yoga, my own personal flavor of wrist-less yoga. Maybe just going for a walk a few times a week (walking on campus doesn't count as going for a walk, I mean a walk with no one around, and no backpack). Of course taking care of my physical self also means keeping up with my physical therapy exercises, getting enough sleep, eating well, keeping my stress levels reasonable etc. See the pattern here of ramping up? first I learned to eat well, and listen to my body when it comes to sleep, then I learned to actually do my pt exercises and, while I'm still working on keeping my stress levels in check, I dare you to show me a student who isn't also constantly working on that. And now I am going to add one more thing, slowly but surely.

But my body isn't the only thing that needs to be taken care of. My mind needs tending too. I'm hoping to be able to write in my journal once a week, thats not too much to ask, I hope, we will see how that goes, but I know it will be good for me if I can do it.

The third resolution is really just a strengthening of the resolution I made at the beginning of the semester to do something social at least once a week. I hung out with my little brother and my friend B and even N a few times, and toward the end of the semester I was even hanging out with people from school and attending school sponsored events. As an introvert, and especially an introvert who had to fight for my right not to party, it seems odd to make myself go out and be with people, and its still a bit of a chore sometimes, but every time I did it this semester I was glad of it. Having said that, once a week seemed to be just about enough, although I expect that to change when I live alone.

I'm really just hoping that all these resolutions will add up to me being less lonely. Thats my goal for the year: Be Less Lonely. Its time. Time to start opening up a little again, letting people in, feeling the love that is available out there for me. So there it is. The thing I really want, but am afraid to admit. To Be Less Lonely.