You still breathing? Ok then, you're fine.

Not much to say this week. Not that nothing happened, I just don't have much to say about it.

I got a new computer, the weather warmed up, life seems much easier.

I feel like maybe I should have something to say about my week, but the truth is, I'm relaxed and content right now. I got a good start on a paper thats due this week, I have a plan for both of my papers that are due in a few weeks, I'm not worried about the quiz that I have coming up on Friday. I think I did alright on the test I had last week, the house is clean, its pay day, I have a warm cat on my lap. What could I possibly find to be worried about?

Don't answer that. I know there are a million things I could be worried about, but right now, I'm not, and I don't want to be. I have a few more hours left in this day of rest that I worked so hard for. I'm going to watch a little west wing, and after that I may or may not do a little reading for school.

I have been thinking about why this Sunday seems so much less stressful than last Sunday did. I decided the difference lies in the way I handled the things that were causing me stress this week. Last week I felt stuck and helpless. This week I got up and changed the things that were bothering me.

This point was really driven home for me on Thursday in Phonology class. Going to class on Thursday I was feeling overwhelmed and confused. I spent the first half of class trying not to cry and reminding myself to breathe. I felt like my professor was speaking another language and I was the only one who didn't understand it. Then he made my anxiety even worse by saying we were moving on to 'Feature Theory' and that this is where things got tricky and that if we could all just hang on through 'Feature Theory' we would be set. I'm not going to lie, I had a moment of despair, but I didn't get lost in it, and when he actually started getting into this mighty and terrifying Feature Theory I started to realize that this makes more sense to me than anything we had been doing all semester, and it became apparent why that was. We had moved on from sound-algebra to sound-geometry. Suddenly I saw the point to Phonology and I felt my feet on the ground again. I went from being overwhelmed to the point of tears, to feeling confident enough to volunteer to go up to the board...in front of the whole class!

I remembered a story my cousin told me about a yoga teacher he had had who would walk around class during particularly challenging poses and ask how people were doing. My cousin said it sounded like this: "How're you doing? oh, it burns? yeah? you still breathing? ok then, you're fine" I kept repeating variations on this theme in my head "oh yeah? you're uncomfortable? you still breathing? ok then, you're fine" "what's that? you're starting to feel overwhelmed? you still breathing? ok, then, you're alright" and sure enough, I was fine.

This week I just kept breathing, and before I knew it the disquieting, uncomfortable, stressful parts had passed, I had moved through them with some semblance of grace and things felt easier.

...plus it got above 32 degrees for the first time in over a month (and its going to stay that way all week!)