So I was doing much better. Much much better in fact. Now suddenly, I am not. I am back to being mysteriously hungry all the time (heres a clue: if you don't eat enough, you are always hungry) somehow I am having a hard time admitting that my eating disorder has rallied and is back for round three. I thought she was gone, I thought I was doing ok without her. What I realize now is that I was pushing her out the door so hard that I was actually leaning on her back. Although I was chasing her away, all I was really doing was following her lead.
But I am taking what I have learned while I wasn't listening to her. I learned that the best way to deal with a problem is to deal with it, not ignore it and hope it will go away. So, step one, eat. I wonder if I didn't have all these other random scary emotional things popping up right now if I would be able to do this no problem. I'm scared.
If you are doing something you already know how to do, you are not really doing anything at all.
Holy fuck. I am scared.
But did I mention I love my team? They allow me to be scared, without them I wouldn't even let myself be scared, being scared means you admit there is something to be scared about.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment